Apple

One time at the mall, my cousins were getting MP4 players and I remember thinking how bad I wanted one too. I think my mom sensed my envy and sadness while I was looking at the music players through the display glass because she went over to me and spoiled the surprise that my aunt got me one for Christmas. I didn't believe her because I thought she was just saying that to get my mind off of my discontentment, but I held onto that hope for Christmas day.

My family used to wait until midnight to open Christmas gifts. I remember that year I was so anxious to find out what I was getting. Was my mom lying to me? Was I really getting a music player of my own? How much would it cost? I thought about all these things as the time came closer. When the clock struck midnight, one by one, each family member opened their gifts. I waited for each name to be called and each picture to be taken, attentive for my name to be announced. I looked out for the small gift boxes that potentially had a music player. When it was finally my turn, I quickly went after my presents with disregard for the neatly wrapped paper and opened each gift excitedly. I remember that year specifically we received several gifts from different family members. I vividly remember the big Avatar: The Last Airbender toy I got. As happy as I was about all the gifts I received, the thought of getting a music player was engraved in my mind. Where was it? Was this a cruel prank? Did I get my hopes up for nothing?

We were nearing the end of opening all the gifts until my aunt told me there was still one more for me to open. On the night of Christmas in 2006, I was tricked by my aunt into thinking she was giving me a clothing iron. I remember my disappointment in unwrapping a boxed iron and pretending I liked it because I didn't want to be rude. I was extremely underwhelmed, but I tried showing that I was happy with my "best for last" gift from her. In my moment of defeat, my aunt told me to open the box because there was a bigger surprise waiting. I was confused to find out that inside the box of the clothing iron was another box. And then another one. And then another until finally a tissue box remained. It turned out that my aunt stored boxes within several bigger boxes in a similar fashion to those Russian dolls that stack. When I reached inside that tissue box, there was a note that read something in Spanish along the lines of, "big things come in small packages." I made a mess of tissues all around me until I finally reached the surface of the box. Upon going through a rollercoaster of emotions, I was genuinely shocked.

On the night of Christmas in 2006, I was gifted a 2nd generation Apple iPod Nano.

I've always been tech savvy from as early as I could remember. I liked tinkering with computers and loved customizing and arranging things the way I wanted. I even loved downloading potentially dangerous software that would break the family computer for practice. When we first got our computer, I learned what P2P file sharing was and how to use uTorrent (for educational purposes). Long story short, I liked to mess around and discover what I could do with a computer and a lot of it was thanks to YouTube videos.

This curiosity carried on with my interest in smartphones as well. I messed around with my Android phones just to see what I could do on them. I liked to see if my phone could handle playing GameBoy games or if I could split screen a YouTube video while having another app open (you could do this no problem in 2024, but it was revolutionary back then lol). I would install VPNs to freely use the school wifi without restrictions. I could spend hours customizing my phone settings just for fun. I liked to know what was possible and what wasn't with what I had.

I think that's what made me pretty good at sales after high school. I enjoyed explaining what a phone could do rather than going straight into the technical specifications because I always felt like casual consumers didn't really care about all that. Aside from tech enthusiasts, I think most people are interested in how good the display looks rather than knowing the exact number of pixels on the screen, for example. People want to know if the phone does what they need it to do and if the picture quality looks good, and that's valid too. We’re all experts in different areas and tech just happened to be mine.

I knew I was good at what I could do and I had a coworker who felt the same way. When he landed a job at an Apple Store, he encouraged me to try as well and so I did. I applied and I was surprised to have landed a job interview in the first place. I submitted my application hoping that I had a good chance to stand out with his recommendation, but I was honestly surprised with how quick the time between submission and getting a call back was. I was surprised I even got an opportunity to interview to begin with.

The interview process was interesting because it was a group interview. They did a great job of making it feel like a conversation and not a competition (although, that's what it actually was if we’re being honest). During the group interview, I got intimidated by everyone else because of their age and their resumes. Everybody else just looked older than me and had more work experience based on what they shared. Several of them mentioned being business graduates from UCs, having a long history of sales, and they sort of "looked the part" in a way I couldn't fully explain. In the moment, I felt like I didn't compare to any of them and had little to show for myself because I wasn't as seasoned as they presented themselves to be. Despite these feelings, I held the mindset that I was going to be genuine and share why I felt like I still belonged.

Needless to say, I got a call back from the manager, who told me he really liked what I said during the group interview and invited me to a second interview. I played it casually on the phone when I got the news, but I was so hyped afterward because it made me realize I was good enough. Of that entire hiring group, the manager saw something in me. It was a little after high school and my initial hesitation rooted from feeling too young and inexperienced to compete, but I stood out even so. I was proud to have proven myself wrong in that moment. Fast forward a few weeks, and I was working at an Apple Store.

I remember thinking about my 5-year plan and how I was going to work in Cupertino now that I had my foot in the door. I even told my parents I planned on moving out within a year (they laughed) . Respectfully, I felt like I was the most knowledgeable on Apple products within my new-hire group and I say this because the trainer was very impressed with how I was able to answer all the questions and effectively solve all the scenarios presented. I was the person she looked to when she asked a question and everyone stayed quiet. I mean, I put so much of my time into learning about Apple because I actually cared about the company and its products and services. I did it all for fun too. I was paired up with the trainer for a week to get insight into what she did day-to-day and learned a lot about the business partnerships side of things. All this to say, it felt like everything was falling into place and I found something that was tailored to my interests and I was pretty good at it.

Things were going so well from my perspective until I felt a shift. I was just settling into my role as a “technical specialist” when things began to feel off. Quickly, I grew to feel so incompetent and pathetic. I knew how to do the job, but at the time I was struggling mentally where even the slightest things would demoralize me. I was performing well for being a new employee and the leads would assure me, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I still wasn’t good enough. During the holiday season and during the iPhone X launch, I was working efficiently and resolving issues, but ironically, I was feeling lost. I didn't know it yet, but this was when my neglected internal struggles were clashing with my talents and I was really facing the consequences then. There was now a hindrance in my full potential and I was creating problems in my head that were not even there. I grew frustrated of the job and began to get bad anxiety just showing up to work. I questioned if the leads thought I was actually doing a good job. I wondered if customers didn't trust me even when they never gave any signs that they didn't. I even feared that my coworkers found me annoying when not a single person ever showed signs or said anything bad. If anything, they were actually the nicest to me and very helpful. I was looking for validation in the smallest of gestures because my insecurities were beyond measure. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and I struggled to cope with it at the time. Everyone was so supportive and approachable, yet I didn't know how to ask for a hand.

Eventually, my lack of self-belief and inability to advocate for myself led me to deciding to quit my job. I felt like a coward asking for help just as much as I felt like a coward for not having the courage to ask for it when I needed it most. It made no sense. On top of this, I felt just as dumb telling my parents I suddenly quit a pretty good job. I remember being afraid to tell them because I personally felt like I had no right to quit a job without a plan. My parents never imposed the belief on me, but I thought about how my dad had no choice on whether he liked his job or not (immigrant guilt, I guess). The manager made the effort to reach out and check up on me, but I simply declined their outreach and reconfirmed my resignation.

For a while, I really beat myself up for leaving a job that I was good at and had so much growth potential. I beat myself up because I didn’t think about how good I had it until later on and it was too late to tell them, “sorry I just needed someone to talk to.” The work culture was great and the values were unlike any company that I knew of at the time, and that’s without mentioning the great benefits as well. There was no guarantee I would have moved up in the company or anything, but I felt like I could’ve tried harder. I felt like such an idiot for a long time. I was mentally overwhelmed by the things outside of work and that bled into my job. I didn't have the mental strategies and techniques that I do now. The lack of self-care led to me losing an opportunity I was presented.

Now that I’m older, I have moved on and learned from that experience. At the time though, it felt like my career was over or something. Even during that time, I recognized I was still young, but I felt like that was my small window for success and I was the one who closed it myself. From the moment I decided to leave, I knew I hadn’t handled it well, but I didn't know a better way. At 19, I was still figuring out life after high school, but the way I gave up really weighed on me for awhile. It was a pivotal moment that taught me a valuable lesson. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time my mental health affected my on-the-job performance and I wish I had known how to manage it more effectively from the jump. At least I know better now.

I wish this was a feel-good story about overcoming obstacles, but it was more of a short-lived adventure filled with learning lessons. Looking at it from a different angle though, it sort of did turn out to be a good thing. I met a lot of interesting people and gained skills that I actually still use to this day. I learned a lot about handling conflict, effective communication, and how to critically think under pressure. The biggest takeaway for me, however, was realizing that I am good enough. As a matter of fact, I learned to believe in my own potential and greatness even further. I had sort of realized this once I got that second interview, but then that realization faded while I was on the job. Over time, that self-belief returned after reflecting and processing the experience and I fully believe in my capabilities now more than ever. At that age, I set out a goal for myself and made it happen. It doesn’t matter what accolades others have or how much more they know. I am always willing to learn if I have to. I can accept when someone is better, but I will always demonstrate what I can do when given the chance, regardless of what I am up against. I thank my 19-year-old self for teaching me that.

I still appreciate Apple as a consumer and I still keep up with the latest tech. I think I'll always keep up with products and software as more of a hobby. I guess the moral of the story here is to believe in yourself. Create the path you wish to follow even when life throws out wild cards. I think you should always have a plan of some sort. But most importantly, take care of yourself along the way. Take care of your physical health, but take good care of your mental health as well. You’re at your best when you feel it, both physically and psychologically.

It's kind of funny to think about how me getting an iPod as a kid for Christmas was potentially the catalyst for this life lesson. I'll never know for sure, but part of me feels like there's a link between the two. Maybe in another timeline I worked in Cupertino like I imagined as a teenager or maybe I hated my job and ended up quitting anyway. I’m not really one to think about the “what-ifs” anymore. What matters most to me now is where I am headed and, honestly, I think I’m getting somewhere that is right for me.

And so with that:

Keep pushing. Take care of yourself. There is something out there for all of us.