Mexican Americans

We are a silent group. We remain in silence while trying to fit into this world. We never speak up, it feels. It's as if we are lost in our own melting pot, seeking guidance from others. Ambitious, yet full of immigrant guilt. Too afraid to speak up or not knowing how.

Too American for Mexico and too Mexican for America.

"Ni de aquí, ni de allá."

Sometimes I personally feel like I don't do enough to uphold my roots. I feel like I am still trying to find some sort of balance that I am happy with while also paying respect to where I come from. I know a lot of my background, but am I living in it? I often question myself on the little things that my siblings and I grew up on. I question things like if I will celebrate the 24th and open Christmas gifts at midnight with my kids like I did growing up or on the morning of the 25th like I have learned to do and even enjoy. Will my kids learn Spanish the way we did? Will I pass on the chiles and the caldos and the atoles to the next generation? Will they be surrounded by the Mexican culture in a similar way that we were? Probably not. Although I am first-generation, I find it so easy to lose what we were taught and I am unsure on how to navigate that with the next generation we raise.

And then sometimes I start to get in my head..."Is it it possible that I have assimilated too much?"

I feel like we are losing our culture and it's partly my fault…

…But then I stop myself and think, "What culture am I trying to represent and how do I want to represent?"

I ask myself, "What do you think being Mexican American is?"

Then I reassure myself, "I am Mexican American."

I fear that my generation believes there's a set list of expectations we need to follow for what being Mexican is. I feel like we feel the need to do or enjoy things simply because it's considered or seen as Mexican. Of course, there is nothing wrong with genuinely liking these things, but I think there should be a difference between showing an interest in things that are Mexican and showing an interest in Mexican things because you think it will make you more Mexican. I am concerned that many of us fall into self-stereotyping. I am concerned that we are scared of not meeting the standard because if we fail to meet the standard, we are "not Mexican enough." The worst part of this is that we enable this behavior and thinking among each other and reinforce it. We attack someone for not "being Mexican" and shame them for being anything else but the stereotypes. I know I have done this too.

"What do you mean you don't speak Spanish? What do you mean you don't dance to this type of music? What do you mean you don't eat chile? Oh, then you're not Mexican."

I hope Mexican Americans like myself share the idea that we can preserve our culture by being our genuine selves. I hope that those around me know that Mexican Americans aren't monolithic. We come from all over, in different sizes, color, experiences, and beliefs. I hope that we can come to some understanding that being Mexican American can mean something different to another Mexican American. Ultimately, I hope Mexican Americans never deny their identities.

I was told that simply being myself is a representation of my cultures.

I am the embodiment of American and Mexican.